My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
