i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
