I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
