AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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