Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
