all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
