you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
