btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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