Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
