...so i touched it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
