The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
