also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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