Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
