I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
