Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
