Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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