dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Farmville is her only friend.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
