i will never coherently bang her
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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