Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
