I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
