I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
