TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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