quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
