god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
