I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
