they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
