I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize