just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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