...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
