I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
