the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
