I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
