Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
