we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sorry my hands just texted you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
