just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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