Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
