Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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