i was rollin on her like bob the builder
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
