I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
