You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
