Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it glows. i had to have it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
