Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
