Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
