The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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