He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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