I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
