So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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