i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
