He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
