sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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