So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They are going to name an STD after you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
