I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
