my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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