I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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