it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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