i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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