I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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