Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
