so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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