Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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