I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
