You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
