Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize