I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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