how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
