when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
