I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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