I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
